Porn Addiction Counseling
While porn addiction is not formally recognized as a diagnosable condition, a growing number of people struggle with problematic porn use, and describe experiences very similar to other types of addiction. For example, compulsive and excessive porn use, urges to watch it, and continued porn use despite negative consequences are all common experiences for people who report an addiction to porn.
What Is Porn Addiction?
According to the APA, pornography addiction isn’t technically a diagnosable form of addiction, but this may change in coming years. More research is emerging that supports that for some people, porn is addictive and leads to problems and consequences very similar to drug and alcohol addiction. The hallmark signs of addiction include compulsive use, cravings, loss of control, and continued use after experiencing negative consequences.
Also, the World Health Organization recently formally acknowledged sexual addiction, which is further evidence that porn addiction may become a recognized addictive disorder in the future.
Consequences of Porn Addiction
Most people who self-report problematic porn use are deeply distressed by how much and how often they watch porn and report having made previous attempts to stop, with limited success. Many also describe that their use of porn has caused serious problems for them; some may have lost money, jobs, or even marriages. Parallels are numerous between these experiences and those of people with other types of addictions.
Here are some statistics on pornography addiction:
An estimated 3-6% of Americans believe they are addicted to pornography
An estimated 1.2% of women and 4.4% of men self-reported being addicted to porn
In one study, 60% of men in treatment for porn addiction reported erectile dysfunction with their partner, but not when watching porn
Porn use is associated with lower levels of sexual satisfaction for both males and females in committed relationships
Porn use is also associated with higher rates of infidelity, separation and divorce
Porn users are more likely to report being dissatisfied with their body or their partner’s body, suggesting porn may contribute to unrealistic standards of attractiveness or beauty
Can Watching Porn Be Healthy?
Watching porn does not lead everyone to become addicted, and many people are able to use porn in ways that aren’t problematic or damaging to their relationships. Some even describe feeling like it boosts their libido or enhances their real-life sexual encounters. Certain people may be more at risk for problem porn use or addiction, including people with other addictions or those who use porn as a substitute for real-life sex.
Is Pornography Addiction Real?
Porn addiction is not yet formally recognized as a mental illness, but many researchers believe that porn addiction is real. Recently, the World Health Organization formally recognized a form of sexual addiction as a diagnosable condition. Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder is a newly classified disorder that involves recurrent, uncontrollable sexual fantasies, impulses or behaviors, including porn use.2
Important Differences Between Porn & Real-Life Sex
There are many ways in which using porn to meet sexual needs is different than meeting sexual needs in real-life sex with partners, and these differences may be important in understanding some of the negative impacts of porn.
These differences include:
Porn is accessible to most people 24/7, providing immediate gratification
Porn offers an endless variety of sexual partners, scenarios, and acts
Porn content is self-selected and does not require the consent of another person
Porn allows users to remain anonymous while they fulfill sexual needs
Porn enacts specific fetishes and fantasies that would be harmful or illegal in real life
Porn normalizes violent and degrading sex acts, especially towards women
These unique aspects of online porn can create unrealistic expectations, fantasies, and preferences that are difficult to fulfill in real-life encounters.
Current Research on Porn Addiction
Brain scans have also shown that the brains of people who participate in compulsive sexual behaviors (like excessive porn use) show abnormalities characteristic of drug and alcohol addiction. For example, the release of dopamine is known to be closely linked to the formation of ‘addiction pathways’ in the brain, and are also released when a person watches porn.
Certain people may be more likely to develop an addiction to porn based on biological, psychological, or neurological differences including:
People with poorer executive functioning (higher level thinking in charge of planning, impulse control, and decision making)
People with an overactive stress response
Individuals with a high sex drive
People with existing anxiety or mood disorders
Those with other substance use or addictive disorders
People with higher novelty-seeking tendencies (a preference for new or different experiences)
People who struggle with inattention or concentration
While it is true that some individuals may be at higher risk for porn addiction, individual choices always factor into whether these risks turn into reality.7 For example, a person who is naturally more susceptible to an addiction can prevent it by avoiding addictive substances or behaviors. Even after an addiction develops, it is still possible to stop and change a behavior, which helps to rewire connections in the brain.
Why Is Porn Addictive?
It is not clearly understood why porn use becomes compulsive for some people and not for others. It is believed that there may be some people who are more susceptible to addictive or compulsive behaviors because of genetic, biological, or environmental factors. Here are some potential causes and risk factors for developing a porn addiction:
Genetics: Having a family or personal history of a mental illness or another type of addiction increases a person’s risk for addiction.
Early childhood trauma: Childhood trauma or significant life stress also places people at higher risk for all types of mental illness, including addiction.
Impulsivity: People who are naturally more impulsive or prone to risk-taking may also be at higher risk for addiction.5
Isolation: Some risk factors more specific to developing compulsive sexual behaviors include low self-esteem, social isolation and lack of attachment.
Being male: Males, particularly teen and young adult males, are higher users of porn and more likely than women to develop problem use.
Too much time online: Spending a lot of time online increases a person’s risk for problem porn use and so does having very specific fetishes or sexual fantasies.6
Personality factors: Neuroticism or high levels of risk taking or seeking novelty are also thought to increase the risk for problem sexual behaviors.
Comorbid mental health disorders: There is a very high rate of other addictive and mental health disorders in people who report compulsive sexual behaviors, making this a significant risk factor.7
In addition to these risk factors, it’s important to note that personal choices are a major factor that determines whether or not a person develops an addiction. For example, it is possible to have none of the above risk factors and still develop an addiction to porn by:7
Using porn excessively or too often
Substituting porn for real-life sex
Seeking out more extreme types of porn
Using porn in times or places where it is unacceptable
Relying on porn to cope with difficult feelings or stress
Giving into urges to watch porn on a regular basis
Continuing to watch porn after experiencing direct consequences
15 Signs of Porn Addiction
As more research is done to better understand compulsive porn use, it is likely that a standardized set of criteria will be developed to distinguish normal and abnormal usage. However, signs of a pornography problem might include a preoccupation with sexual thought, loss of control over urges, and inability to perform sexually.
Warning signs that may indicate a problem with porn use include:
Using porn more frequently or for longer than intended
Making unsuccessful attempts to cut back or stop watching porn
Frequently being preoccupied with sexual thoughts or urges related to porn
Experiencing feelings of shame, disgust, or distress about the type, amount, or frequency of porn watched
Feeling a loss of control over sexual urges or use of porn
Conflict or disconnection with a significant other because of porn use
An inability to become aroused or to sexually perform with partners in real life
The development of new sexual fetishes that are upsetting or disturbing to the individual
Watching porn in inappropriate settings (like at work, in public, or around children)
The gradual need for more extreme or interactive forms of porn (e.g. fetish or webcam)
Feelings of shame about secret sexual urges and behavior
Continuing to use porn even after it is no longer enjoyable
Going to great lengths to hide or conceal the use of porn
The use, collection, or distribution of porn with illegal content (i.e. featuring children, bestiality, rape, etc.)
Not cutting back or stopping porn use after experiencing problems or consequences at work, at home, in relationships, or other important areas of life
How Does Porn Affect an Individual?
Whether or not porn addiction is considered to be valid, there is clearly concern about whether it can be harmful for some.
Excessive porn use can lead to a variety of problems, including:
Being unable to become aroused, experiencing sexual performance anxiety, or orgasm anxiety in real-life encounters
Developing specific sexual fantasies or fetishes that can only be met online
Developing a need for constant variety of sexual content that can only be fulfilled online
Comparing sexual partners to adult film stars in ways that cause dissatisfaction
Feelings of inadequacy about one’s appearance or sexual performance because of comparisons to porn
Changes in attitudes towards sex and treatment of sexual partners
An increased risk for committing sexual offenses
How Does Porn Affect Couples?
Research suggests that in addition to individual impacts of excessive porn use, there are several ways it impacts couples in committed relationships (some partners may even consider watching porn as cheating). Partners may feel disconnected if the quality of sex becomes diminished, and chances of divorce are nearly doubled when someone reports a problematic use of porn.
Excessive pornography use has been found to impact couples by:
Increasing the risk of infidelity
Doubling the risk for divorce or separation
Lower levels of relationship satisfaction
Increasing instances of conflict
Decreasing the quality of intimacy and sexual satisfaction
More negative evaluations of a partner’s appearance and sexual performance
Partner’s feeling sexually objectified or devalued because of their partner’s use of porn
Porn Use in Women vs. Men
Most problem porn users who seek treatment are male, but there are also women who describe being addicted to porn. However, there is some research that suggests that women use porn differently than men, and are more likely to use it with their partners, instead of alone. Interestingly, some research also suggests that porn is more likely to cause relationship problems for men, but may actually improve the relationship and sexual satisfaction in women.
However, these findings are not completely consistent, with some surveys and studies citing instances of negative impacts for both men and women in committed relationships.
Do These Problems Get Worse If Left Unaddressed?
Treatments like therapy are often helpful to people trying to overcome an addiction. While some people are able to overcome an addiction without treatment, having the structure and support of weekly group or individual sessions can be very helpful to those in recovery. When unaddressed, it is possible for some people’s addictions to worsen, becoming more severe and having more serious impacts on a person’s life.
5 Tips for How to Stop a Porn Addiction
Many treatment options exist for those who are struggling with porn addiction or any other kind of sexual addiction. In addition to seeking the help of a professional, it can be helpful to find an accountability partner and remember the reasons that you want to limit your porn use.
Here are five strategies that could help you overcome a porn addiction:
1. Involve Your Support System
Many people struggling with addiction feel intense shame, and this might be especially true for those with sexual addictions. Opening up can be difficult and may be met with mixed reactions, but is usually an important part of healing. Select a few loved ones you can trust to be supportive throughout your recovery and make specific requests of them so they know how to help, or join a support group like Sex Addicts Anonymous.
2. Make It Harder to Access Porn
Think of willpower as a limited reserve—and work to conserve it when possible. Make it harder to give in to momentary urges and temptations by adding parental filters or blocks on your devices or by placing your computer in a public part of your home or office. These small steps can act as a safeguard for the inevitable times when your willpower is low.
3. Find Healthy Forms of Intimacy
People who have struggled with problematic sexual behaviors don’t usually report feeling a lot of intimacy or closeness during sex. Reconnect with a partner in ways that invite intimacy back into the relationship by cuddling, using foreplay, or finding ways to be playful.
4. Remember Your “Why”
There is at least one good reason why you want to stop watching porn and it is important to stay in touch with that reason. Some days are bound to be difficult and you will need to summon your “why” to help you stay motivated to push through.
5. Be Still & Wait for the Urge to Pass
Inevitably, you are going to have urges to watch porn. When these come, you will want to act on them. Instead, stop, be still, and let the urge come and then wait until it goes. Imagine it is like a wave, building up inside of you and eventually dissipating. Over time, you will find that the waves get smaller and come less often.
Treatment for Porn Addiction
Several treatment options exist to help those who feel they are addicted to porn, in person and online. For some, individual therapy may be best, while others might benefit from couples counseling, a support group, residential treatment, or medication to address the underlying condition.
Treatment options for porn addiction include:
Individual Therapy: The therapist would likely help the person identify and avoid triggers and to learn skills to resist the urge to watch porn. It is typical for a person to have one hour therapy sessions once or sometimes twice a week.
Couples Therapy: A couples therapist can help you work together to set boundaries around porn and help you determine what may be causing the compulsive porn use.
Group Therapy: Group therapy is one possible option for those looking to find a support network of other people who have similar experiences. These groups generally occur in office or agency settings and are facilitated by trained counselors.
What to Do If a Loved One Has a Pornography Addiction
If your loved one is struggling with an addiction to pornography, encourage them to get professional treatment. Finding a therapist who has experience treating sexual addictions like pornography is important, and can often help your loved one determine the right kind of treatment for them.
Porn Addiction Statistics
Reliable statistics about problematic porn use are scarce for several reasons. First, because porn addiction or even problem porn use has not been consistently defined, it is difficult to determine the accuracy of the available data. Further, a great majority of the statistics and research on problem porn use come from special interest groups or religious organizations with an anti-porn agenda.
For now, these are some of the most reliable statistics available on pornography addiction:
In a large survey, 16.3% of married individuals reported visiting porn sites several times per week
Almost 80% of married men and women who engaged in cybersex also reported having at least one real-life extramarital sexual affair
40% of people with sex addictions lose their spouse, 33% lose their job, and 58% report financial losses
Porn use has been found to increase marital infidelity by more than 300%
One survey found that 56% of divorces involved an ‘obsessive use of porn’ by one of the individuals
In one study, 88% of pornography involved violence, usually directed towards the female actress
60% of males in treatment for sex addiction struggle with erectile dysfunction with their partners but not when watching porn
There is an unexplained rise in erectile dysfunction in young healthy men (as high as 30%) that some experts attribute to increased porn use
Men are more likely to report negative relationship impacts related to frequent porn use, while women are more likely to report positive impacts on their relationship
Giving up porn should be at the top of your list if you're seeking strategies to improve both your mental and physical health. In addition to offering instant relief from guilt or shame related to consuming porn, it also has a number of long-term advantages for relationships, productivity, sexual performance, and self-control. You might have the means to build a better tomorrow if you take this action right now.
If your porn use is interfering with your life, you've tried to stop or reduce and cannot, there is help for you and you can find it here.
Click here to schedule a free consult with Blair or schedule a 1:1 session.
If you’re looking to dive deeper you can find my list of recommended books here.